My boyfriend doesnt trust me, what can I do to prove that he can?

Jenna Morgenthaler 1294

You have a kid, so it would probably be a good time for you and your boyfriend to grow up. My recommendation is that you have a frank conversation about each of your commitment to make the relationship work. In order to have a good relationship BOTH parties must be committed to making changes to improve it. Since you have not married, you have not made the vows of that commitment, so are you both committed?

If so, then you work together to tackle the issues one at a time. If no, then there is nothing you can do and you need to protect yourself and your child.

First issue, no trash talking. You are the mother of his child and he needs to treat you with love and respect and model that to the child. How will you be able to be an effective parent if he teaches your child that you are not to be trusted or respected?

If you get change that from him, then while you perfect that change and work on others, you need to treat him as if. As if he is your hearts desire, as if he is treating you the way you want to be treated, as if you have already resolved all your problems. The reason for this is that we get caught up in cycles and one-upsmanships. So to break a bad cycle, you replace it with a good one. When we behave as if, then we put out the energy for the if to turn into is.

Unknown Brain 1892

Want advice?? Think about the well being of the child that you chose to bring into this world, instead of your own personal interests. He'll never get over it, you'll never earn his trust back (understandably), and if you don't, then your kid will have some pretty messy issues if he/she is forced to deal with their parents bullsh**.

Ask an honest question......

John D. 1241

I see a couple of possibilities. You have had a rocky past together.
One option is that he really does love you. In this option his not wanting you to walk out of the house in less than a trench coat is based on being terrified of losing you. The verbal abuse would be a result of a combination of it becoming something of a habit from your prior relationship troubles and something of a reflexive protective action to prevent more emotional trauma to him.
The second option is that he is staying with you out of a sense of loyalty to your kid. If this is the case the trench coat is a result of him not wanting a break up to harm the child. The verbal abuse would be a side affect of not being happy and feeling trapped.
The third option is he is a control freak with an abusive streak. He isn't in love and just enjoys dominating you in this option. The verbal abuse would be to keep you subservient. The trench coat would just be another option for his asserting dominance over you.

Because I do not personally know the two of you, I cannot state which of these options is the root cause. The one who will have to come to that decision is you. I would say your best bet is to have him sit down with you and ask him point blank if he wants the relationship to work. If he does you have to explain you need him to start trusting you again. I would start the healing by making sure you both tell each other one thing you love about the other before you go to sleep, but no sarcastic insults it has to be a real compliment. I would also recommend you two start kissing and hugging each other a lot more. If he doesn't really want to make the relationship work there isn't much you could do to fix it.

Kevin Copenhaver 2371

He seems to be a pretentious dick and an idiot. You are an idiot for thinking you should have ever gotten back together with him in the first place. Who cares if it was his child? Honestly, do you think someone that controlling and jealous would EVER be a good father? You made a mistake telling him it was his kid and an even bigger one trying to work things out with him. I know this is all in vain because you won't leave him. If you had the self-strength to do so you would have said "what should I do about my shitty boyfriend?" as opposed to "how can I get my boyfriend to trust me?" Furthermore, you said "what can I do to prove that he can?" which insinuates that you should NEED further proof that he can trust you. You slept with someone else AFTER telling him you wanted to break up. That isn't cheating. He refused to leave and you let him stay there, he refuses to treat you well and you let him stay in your life, he refuses to let you go out in the clothes you want to wear and you stay at home. He has complete control over you.

Hopefully you had enough time to read all of this in the computer time he has probably allotted you. Move on, find someone decent, and quit wasting your time with assholes like him.

Jeanie Elizabeth 1416

I agree with Kevin - obviously you broke up for a reason. Your boyfriend should be secure enough in himself to put the past behind him and move on. Treating you like a prisoner is not going to solve anything; quite the contrary. Pretty soon, he will end up pushing you away with his actions, if he hasn't already. Being treated with distrust leaves a person feeling almost dirty, wretched, and feeling guilty when they haven't done anything to deserve it. When you love someone truly, you don't want to make them feel bad - you want them to be happy. Sounds like your boyfriend is sucking the life out of you. I'd run as fast as I can and tell him he can solve his insecurity issues by himself. You can't fix him. And like Kevin said, if he doesn't want to change, you can forget it anyway. For the most part, from what I've seen of the world, its impossible for a person to change when they have no clue what to change INTO...they just are what they are.

Unknown Brain 1830

Sometimes you just gotta look at the writing on the wall.

People get together for all types of reasons, and generally speaking a relationship ends either when those reasons no longer exist, or they habve been proven to be bad reasons from the beginning.

Regardless, when a relationship ends, there is ALWAYS a reason, and generally speaking those reasons don't just go away on their own. It generally takes a major life-changing event to alter a person that much.

That said, it's not 100%; there are stories of people dating off and on for years and finally end up together. These stories, however, are the exception. Not the rule.

It seems to me that, from your wording, the only reason you are with him at all is for the kid- Know this: people don't change for other people. The right person can help you grow into the person you want to be anyway, but thats a completely different subject. Any relationship where someone is forced to change who they are or suppress their own goals and dreams for is doomed to failure.

I'd get out as soon as I could if I were in your shoes.

Wendy Wood 1416

There are a lot of good answers on here but they're right. Ultimately it is your decision to make. It may not be easy but I'd walk away. It seems like there is nothing you can do, his mindseems made up. Life is way too short to spend it being unhappy.

Sri Ram 1411

Hmmmm...... This is something you have to decide by you self. Everyone will naturally have different opinions. In my view, ask yourself the following questions to help make up your mind : -

1. Do you love him so much and want to be with him the rest of your life ?

2. Do you think that he will be the best partner and do you think that any other person can make you as happy?

3. Do you think that both of you will be able to adjust to each other weaknesses to make it work ?

4. Do you think that he will be a responsible person to look after your family ?

5. Do you think that he is a good bed partner and you are happy with him?

6. Do you think that he loves you so much that he won't think of another woman?

7. Do you think he is good looking in your eyes?

8. Do you think he will make you proud?

9. Do you think he cares for you enough to make sacrifices and do you too?

10. Do you think you can change enough to make things better and will you ?

If these answers are yes to more than five questions then it's worth puting the effort to make it work. When it comes to trust, it's something which is fragile and both need to work at it. If your behaviour is justified in your eyes and your conscience is ok with it then, you have to work even harder to keep him. You need to decide if it's worth to change for his sake.

It need not be a case of even trust, it could be plain possessiveness. You need to source his anger or discomfort. You need to talk with an open mind and sort things out. If you need to move on, you need to do so with complete knowledge of why you have to do so. It could help you in the next relationship.

Best of luck. :)

Kasim K 1908

cheat on him and then tell him. then say seee, im always honest with you so dont worry!

* thats a joke btw, dont do that.

Unknown Brain 2223

First, I applaud you for telling the truth!
Second, ...WHAT THE HACK WERE YOU THINKING? :-)

All kidding aside... To forgive is a rare trait, specially if it is something of this magnitude. But it seems to me he has nothing to be angry about... the relationship was dead and he knew it. Personally I think he is being childish and the negative attitude will not be a good environment to raise a child. If you show strength and leave you will feel empowered and this will be a good trait to pass on to your child and may even help the father grow up.