single dad steals money out of his sons birthday cards

Mike Qtips 1326

If you have visitation rights, don't send money, send the kid a home-made coupon redeemable for birthday cash when he lets you take him for something fun to do to celebrate his birthday. Then give him cash.

Bryan Oleman 1416

I believe in principles. Stealing is wrong whether its 5 cents or 5 million dollars. Granted the punishment should not be the same but its the same level of wrong. I also don't believe in situational ethics. The specifics of the circumstances don't change something from right to wrong. If someone stole from me to keep from starving my compassion would lead me to forgive the offense and offer further assistance, regardless of the fact that what they did was wrong.

Paula Thompson 1502

My opinion is that when anyone (dad or stranger) takes something that does not belong to him, it is stealing. Thou shalt not steal.

Alexander Baggett 1750

This seems simply to me. The father should continue to work 2 jobs and not take the son's money. 170 dollars over a couple of months isn't that much. Meaning it would be fine to let the son have it. Perhaps though if he was sent 10,000 dollars, it would be better to leave it in the hands of the father.

Melissa Merritt 2399

I'd say discuss it with him and see if he can give a good reason for this--perhaps he really needs some help (like for a legitimate reason like making ends meet--hard to do these days.) and is too embarrassed to ask for it. (And if/when he denies it, show how you know. If it is because of the kid telling you and he becomes angry, you may consider a custody re-hearing.) He may be struggling though. But it also calls to mind the good ol' days when my friend's dad pawned her car to buy coke. He may need some help, (and for a good reason, not a bullshit one) but I also believe in respecting shit that belongs to someone else--regardless of whether the "someone else" is a minor in your care. What does that teach the kid about personal boundaries anyway...

Anne Wolfer 1416

Sure feels like it's wrong . . . and he's not only stealing from his son, but from you (because you sent the money). I agree with Lynne Lefler about budgeting. Why is he working two jobs? Scale down, like the bumper stickers says, "act your wage". If you really want to give your son some money - either put it in a bank account or actually get him something. You do still run the risk that he'll hand over the money to his dad - who at this point is probably real good at giving his sob story and manipulating his son for it, or selling whatever gift you give him, for the money. I know of a dad who came to visit his son and took his bike and sold it so that he'd have travel money to go back home. Kid cried for a long time that he no longer had his prized bike. In any case, I'm sorry to hear that he is doing this. Seems when relationships end that the kids always suffer . . .

Trent Christensen 1691

Without a doubt wrong.

Kathryn Rahn 1475

Yes it's wrong. Why don't you give the money directly to your son or buy him a present instead?

Lynne Lefler 2012

If the facts are as you state them, it is wrong. It is wrong for a parent to steal, period. I believe it is even worse when a parent does something like that to their own child, because they are not only stealing, they are also setting a horrible example of how to behave, and teaching the child to be dishonest. All the while, they are expecting the child not to feel cheated, discounted and/or resentful.

Being poor and struggling financially does not justify stealing.

What I'm having trouble understanding is this...what kind of lifestyle is your kid's dad trying to maintain that can't be supported with the income from 2 jobs plus child support? That blows my mind.

As a single parent, I supported two children and myself on $6.00/hr-40hrs/week at times, (with NO child support) and I always paid my bills and we always had enough to eat. That was in the relatively high-priced Twin Cities area of Minnesota. Based on inflation, that would now be the equivilant of one 40hr/wk job at $10.50/hr in today's economy.

During those times, we scaled back our lifestyle to fit my income. One of my daughters was a young teen, and I encouraged her to babysit and do other jobs for her own spending money.

We didn't have monetary luxuries at that income, but we did all kinds of free activities..played outside, went to the public library, went swimming at the local beach, went to free exhibits at galleries and museums, watched the local and town league baseball games, went to all the free plays, musicals, concerts and ballgames at the local high school, went to all the street festivals put on by our local Chamber of Commerce, walked or took public transportation rather than pay for expensive parking, etc. When we did spend money on entertainment, it was usually for a soda apiece while we were doing some otherwise free activity. We entertained friends at home,...board games, cards, etc.When we shared meals with other families, it was pot luck. With some thought and planning, people don't need all the luxurious things we spend money on.

Unknown Brain 1892

Uhhh.... I call bullshit. You're the dad, aren't you??