Can you trust someone that's cheated in the past?

Denise Betegh 1294

lesson one. EVERYONE lies. no matter how much you love them. and everyone in the world has a past. but thats not a reason to question that person. im sure you too have displayed some deviousness in your life. things that she may find downright bothersome. but if you truely love her, and she truely loves you, then you learn from the past, and not dwell on it. and every girl is promiscuous from time to time, some more than others. if shes hot, then thats just something your gonna have to deal with. like i said, if she truely loves you, and you truely love her. then you work through it.

HOWEVER, if you suspect her of cheating, you MUST talk about it with her. holding it in festers resentment and jealousy, two very destructive emotions that can make even the most calm of people into brainless savages. but if you do talk to her about it, dont accuse her. just bring up the topic of cheating. and see wat she says about it. if she becomes nervous, then address that. but DO NOT acuse her. that will make her defensive and you wont get any answers that way.

good luck my dear. and remember, never give up hope.

Robin Boyd 1212

Trust is the most fundamentally essential element in all human relationships. If I'm reading the facts correctly, you are saying that this girl was in a relationship with someone else (the guy you ran into at the fair) when she started dating you. Was she honest with him about seeing someone else (you)? Trustworthiness, or the lack of it, is part of a person's character. It is generally consistent across a variety of situations and relationships. It often takes time to assess another person's trustworthiness because it requires that you "get to know" how someone handles things like honesty and truthfulness in a variety of situations. If someone is untrustworthy in some situations or with some people, then chances are that s/he will be untrustworthy in other situations and with other people also. No matter how much you do to try to please someone, it will have little effect on their basic character. In other words, you can bend over backwards to please a traitor or a tyrant or a narcissist, perhaps even ingratiate them (put them in a position where they "owe" you), but in the end, you're still dealing with a traitor or a tyrant or a narcissist. If you are obsessing over whether or not this girl is trustworthy, assume that her trustworthiness is not something that you can ever have any control over. Either she is trustworthy or she isn't. If she is trustworthy, then hopefully your relationship will continue to blossom. If she isn't, you'll know eventually. Then you can either live with it (her untrustworthiness) because of her other qualities that you value, or you can end it.

Melissa Merritt 2399

Although I don't formally believe in monogamy, (despite I sometimes delude myself into practicing it)--I also don't believe in lying to someone, and telling them they're "the only one," when they're not. And with this situation, why bother with "evidence from her past" when you have evidence from the PRESENT, nay, even from YOUR life? I consider a person's past "stats" to be absolutely pointless and irrelevant (BECAUSE they can lie about whatever they want, just for one, therefore I never bother quizzing someone about their past relationships, or playing Detective Snoopington with their personal affairs--and I EXPECT the same from them)--AND this situation is no different.


Why? Because you have your OWN experience with her--you ran into her friggin boyfriend for pete's sakes! Not her ex, her CURRENT one while you were also her CURRENT other one!!! (If I am understanding you correctly!!!!) Therefore, why do you even need to ask whether or not she is lying to you--even if she isn't CURRENTLY doing so, she HAS ALREADY, and you saw it for yourself!!! I know romance is not a rational situation, but that doesn't give license to chuck reason completely out the window!!!! Hell, you don't even need to check her cell phone or some bullshit (not that I would recommend that anyway, as, FOR ONE, a call can be deleted out of the "history" just as easily as a little text, so that is simply another fool's method--not to mention ridiculous behavior.) Even background checks for things like employment can be gotten around with a simple identity "fudge," so I always say YOUR BEST AND ONLY REFERENCE IS YOU. And you have personal experience with her doing this already--silly "detective work" be damned, what more do you need????

(I suppose you could make a fake online profile pretending to be a random guy, and hit on her (from a public computer of course!) and see whut she says. BUT if you have even gotten to the point of considering that, the relationship sucks, therefore there is no point in actually doing it. If that is even an issue, you know?? Which as far as I can see, it was certainly an issue when the "relationship" began--I have no idea why you have even allowed it to get THIS far, you know??)

Also, keep in mind that her saying she loves you (even if she thinks she really does and is not "lying" per se) does not equal considering you her boyfriend. Has she referred to you as such, either time? What "future plans" do you mean--getting engaged, seeing you next New Years--what? You don't need to tell me, just be specific with yourself. A year ahead is not "future plans"--at least not as they are usually seen with respect to a romance. It's NEXT YEAR. Soooo believe it or not, you may not actually be "in a relationship" with her--BUT don't get into one, should that come up. Unless ya wanna BE the one bumping into her and some guy at the fair...??? Speaking of fairs, not to be a buzzkill, but from here I'm smelling what we like to call a "summer romance," which can be a beautiful, fun thing...as long as it is seen for what it is.

I could be wrong, but...hell, you ran into her friggin bf at the fair! What more do you need. Seriously.

The good news is, your trusting her after the first experience of directly encountering the "other man"--is evidence to me that you have either conquered your paranoia or are well on your way to doing so. Keep THAT part up. :) In that respect, you have gotten MUCH farther than many others who struggle with paranoia for years.

Victoriana Slate New Brain

The best predictor of future behavior is to look at her past behavior. She may be the one, but it's unlikely, you don't look very old. You can find good in all relationships though, even the bad ones. However, don't waste time with someone you can't trust or makes you worry or be anxious all the tiem. The fact that she had another boyfriend and didn't tell you is not a good sign. I wonder how many other guys she's stringing along. I'd say keep the relationship going but realize she may lie to you or have other guys in her life, don't be broken-hearted if that happens.

Unknown Brain 2141

So, you got into a relationship with a girl and a week in, you accidentally ran into her *other* current boyfriend at the fair, and he quickly decided to beat you up in the parking lot, but that was averted. And FOR SOME REASON, you and your paranoid self thinks that she might be lying to you about other things as well... things that you have presumably not been exposed to yet and therefore have no reason to be told about them, since if she told you, that would be being honest, and this girl is obviously more of the "lying" type.

You and your family history of paranoia! She is obviously the reincarnation of the Virgin Mary and you are just over-analyzing. She is a pure spirit and there is no reason whatsoever for you to question her motives or her behaviors outside of you two's "relationship." This is because she has shown absolutely no past behavior which indicates that she is probably lying to you and using you as her emotional tampon, and not as a real boyfriend. None at all! I can't think of one incident in your story where a lie of hers was exposed, big time. Oh wait! What about the whole having a boyfriend thing? Oh well, I guess that one just wasn't important.

Come on, man! Wake up!

Andi Albright 1461

I can't tell you if you should trust her or not, that's up to you. The only way to be sure about what she does is to be with her ALL THE TIME & that would just be creepy. So you have to either get over your paranoia or let her go.

I do know that if she has a "promiscuous nature," you will not be the person to change that. You are not special enough. The only way that her nature will change is for her to think of herself as "Special Enough" and stop sleeping around with any guy who gives her attention.

My question for you is, if you don't know her well enough to know for certain that she's capable of being faithful, why in the world are you sleeping with her?

Kalen Burwell 1416

Well its very hard to tell, but you still have to remember that neither of you are married. If she loves you then trust her. If she slips up remember that she is human. She may love you completely, but may give in to her temptation. In fact you should'nt be as tied down if your not married yet. My best advice is that you talk to her face to face about it, and the conversation will result in a few things. One yall may figure out that both of you are faithful. Two you may figure out she may have cheated, even still don't be mad talk it out. Or three yall may figure out that yall are mature enough to see other people while apart. As long as its only to fulfill certain urges, and no love is there. Lastly you may realize how much you love and want her, and decide to do what Beyonce's song says. Put a ring on it. If she has you around to be a great husband she will be sexual with no one else but you.

Daxson Motis 1626

i would agree. keep trusting her until there is flat out evidence or she tells you. Nothing worse than a guy that doesnt trust his girl. All this paranoia stuff youre going to have to get over before you get into a long relationship. If you feel it, beat it down. But in my opinion, even if she is cheating, youre better off not knwoing unless she tells you. And if she did, thats her problem. You didnt lose her, she lost you. All you can do is show her you care until she feels guilty enough to tell you the truth. If she really loves you like she says then you have to trust that.

David Warrilow 1200

Get a private detective to follow her obviously...!

Just kidding, you gotta remember she is 18 and no matter how emotinally mature someone is their natural age can always kick in.

Noone really sees themselves settling down at 18, try to imagine yourself a couple years back when you were 18.

From experience, usually worrying and being paranoid causes friction in a relationship as i have had quite a few jealous paranoid girlfriends as i have good female friends. This just made things clear and easy for me to not like them, even though they were long relationships.

Her promiscuous nature may of just been with that guy as it wasn't working, it obviously sounds like he was a jackass but also had a reason to be angry.

I suggest a surprise visit... with a little present ;) because either you will find her with some guy or you will get some romantic loving :D

Usually those future planning girls will get protective over the guy as women have a more jealous nature, keep her interested mate.

Good Luck

John D. 1241

I would say it would be best to keep trusting her unless she does something that really sets off a warning flag. I would then ask her about it.