Why wont he say anything???

Samson Sax QBax 1535

He’s going Gsyer than a broadway showing of rent

David Warrilow 1200

Hi Anna

I think first of you probably blew his confidence of a little bit if he tried to flirt with you and after that a guy holds a subconscious grudge where we either act mean towards to that girl as being "nice" did not help.

I think for most guys to just be friends with an attractive girl is difficult as we do have a natural instinct than tells us better looking women are healthier so the offspring will be healthy. Obviously guys don't actually think of beauty like that but that is where it comes from.

My best friend now is one of my ex-girlfriends, she has a boyfriend and i am friends with him and hang out with them both and it doesn't creep me out. I can talk to her most of the day about anything and everything because we know each other so well, but i also have a protective side for her, more like a brother would.

With guys you really do have to spell things out for us, because most of us sadly have no idea what women mean. He sounds like a nice guy but perhaps try just giving him a dead sentance to work with, see if he tries to pick the conversation up.
I dont think real friends can ever have awkward moments between them.

Hope this helps =D

Unknown Brain 1830

Alright, I'll keep it simple here, but I warn you, I'm going to put it crudely.

Guy: "I am romantically / sexually interested in you."

Girl: "I am not into you that way, could we be friends?"

Guy: "Neither my heart nor my penis has an off switch. I can't call you a friend because I don't want to bend my 'friends' over the coffee table."


Thats all there is to it really. A guy and a girl can only truly be friends if that is really all that both of them want from the relationship. If either one wants more, it won't be a real friendship. It's a very sad fact of the world. Having something right next to you but still out of reach just makes you want it more.

A lot of girls like to say that this is bullshit, that they have lots of guy friends. I'd wager that most of those guy friends would jump the girls bones given the slightest chance though.


Look at this from the other side- pretend you're this dude, and you're writing this post on Big Brain Answers. Except instead, you're asking how to make this girl who isn't interested in you want you. Can you think of anything he could do that would make you want him in a sexual or romantic sense?


It is no more possible to be "just friends" with someone who wants more than it is to force someone who isn't interested in you to love you. Time can change these feelings, but neither you nor he can force them. Feelings just don't work like that. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a fool or a liar.

Unknown Brain 1260

You are trying way too hard. Let him chase you (so to speak). Be the person you were made to be. If he is in to you he'll come around. If he does not "He is just not in to you" and thats ok.

Jay Hubbard 1316

Questions are a good start. From his answers, make assumptions you think are probably wrong, and ask him if they're right. Build off of his response (being careful not to make a habit out of the assumptions).

John D. 1241

Try asking him to provide you with as many details as he can remember of what happened. It sounds like he keeps thinking you only want a summary.. Most guys tend to think this way, but we are generally willing to share details if we are made aware of them making a difference.

Alexander Baggett 1750

I will try to help you understand. We guys, especially nerds sometimes are very terse. Its almost natural to us. If something to us seems regular ordinary or not surprising we usually don't have much to say about it. It is possible to talk about how boring or normal something is, it just doesn't always come to our minds. It could even be that we aren't interested in what we are doing and we don't even know it. Also sometimes being brief helps us move on. We say what we need to then go on to the next thing. It is emotionally efficient for us or so we think.

It might also be that this guy hasn't found his passion in his life. He probably lacks direction. I would also think he needs to find something he enjoys so he can be more cheerful overall, that way he would be in the kind of sharing mood you seem to be looking for. If you find out his interests and try talking to him about them, I'm sure he will have more to say to you.

Another possibility although not a happy one, is that he was only interested in you romantically and talking with you reminds him of his lost hope about being with you, which could be putting him in a kind of depressed mood. And as a general rule, if guys are depressed, regardless of whether they realize it, they aren't very talkative.

I hope this helps.

Alla Goltsman 1479

You asked him a 'Yes' or 'No' question. If you asked questions that require other type of answers, something like 'What do you like about Tennesse? Is there anything that really impressed you in Tennesse? Will you ever go back and what could be the reason for that?', chances are that you would get good answers. The fact that he initiates the conversations tells me that he likes you. Try a different approach. The sooner you understand that men and women think differently, the better it is for you.

Marie Sacco 1360

Anna,
I think your answer is fine, but I'm me. I agree with Lisa that not know your method of communication makes it harder to comment. BUT...... you did have a great weelkend and maybe he wasn't having a great where he was ... maybe he's thinking if you went with friends you could have asked him along as a friend...... More importantly you should be asking him the question you posted!
Being married to the same guy for 14yrs.... great guy sometimes getting answers makes me want to beat him with a 2 x4. LOL They answer the specific question and don't expound.... If you believe the caveman theory they are hunters so the answer directly targets/kills the question asked. Women are gathers so we gather and share info.....

talk to him and tell him his communication skills suck.... but if you're upset that now you want to be friends and he seems to be not as interested in you remember you can't have it both ways ..if you had that conversation with a "girl" friend i bet you would have said you're not very talkative today what's up or you sound distracted want to talkk later... or so what are you doing there? visiting family or anything have you seen/done anything exciting?

Lisa Stonecipher 1465

It would help to know what method of communication you are using. In other words; do you notice a difference between face to face, as opposed to phone conversation, or text, email, etc.?
He may have difficulty communicating in one of those areas. I did notice from your excerpt that he asked you a simple direct question and you gave him a rather complex and detailed answer. There is nothing wrong with the way you replied, but maybe he was hoping for an answer that would allow him to engage, by asking you more questions. (Example: Him-Hey Anna, how are you? -- You-I am in a great mood! How are you? )

The example I showed you, allows him two chances for a reply. He can either ask you a more probing question about why you are in such a great mood, or he can choose to tell you what he is up to. It is extremely important to pay attention to how he chooses. If he asks you another question, he is interested in finding out more abut you, and you have allowed him an opportunity to engage you and be a part of the conversation. If he tells you how HE is, he is wanting to share himself with you, and it is vital to be a good listener, if you want to develope any sort of relationship with him.

One more thing I noticed, is that it sounded like you had a full on whirl-wind weekend. If he is a bit on the shy side, or is having difficulty finding stimulating topics to share with you, that would be a bit of a tough act to follow.

I hope this helps, and best of luck in your frindship with him. :)