How can soulmates exist statistically speaking?

How can soulmates exist statistically speaking?

12 answers , last was 15 years ago

how is it so that wherever you are, that is where the person that is right for you will be? 305 million people in the U.S and 6,661,000,000 in the world and the woman that is right for me will be somewhere in my area, how the fuck is that possible, the odds do not play out there. Now ok lets say the woman in your area is a IDK 87% compatible match, then IDK it bugs me to no end to think of well someone who is a perfect match for me, or even just 1% more compatible with me is somewhere else in this world. I feel like well then why am I with this girl, and then will it really work out til the end?

and to repeat the same thing again in a slightly different way (sorry this was pulled from old blogs, but I didn't get enough feedback on them, hope this works out well)

there are approximately 305 million people in the United States, what are the chance that my perfect woman, the woman meant for me, the one I should marry is somehow going to magically be within my current living area no matter where I move? this bugs the hell of of me, what is the person you do find is 92% compatible with you and "perfect for you", but let's say there is another woman , and this woman is 98% compatible and "perfect for you" but she lives in California (I live in NY BTW), then what is the fucking pointof being with the 92% woman. This also goes with another problem/question which is how the hell do you know who to pick when dating and eventually trying to find a wife. I think the dating system is broken, and IDK how it can be fixed, but really going to go through all that effort for shit not to work out, and it is never pretty, if not for both sides at least for one, I hate causing people pain, and I really like to avoid pain as much as possible myself, I have had enough for now.

on the same theme, friends, who is to say that the friends you have and make NEAR YOU are the right people for you to be in your life and to support you how real/true/great friends do. This one may be even a bigger issue for me than the whole dating thing (and marriage). Besides only 1 of my RL friends, who in the long end many year later also fell apart. None of my RL friends have ever been what I would call great friends, in fact most of them weren’t even worthy of the title friend, more like frienemy, but even that is too kind. What I am getting at is your perfect friend could be on the other side of the world, I know mine is. My friend Kate has been a better friend (and person for that matter) to me than all my friends put together, and most of my family. I would die for her, and she would most likely do the same thing me. As you may know there are not many people I would die for, especially when it comes to any of my friends past or present. Even my best friend since I was 5 I would say I would die for him, but knowing myself when it comes down to jumping in front of a bullet, there is a good chance I would not, that said for some odd stupid fucked up reason, I would still take a bullet for his sister. So anyway I believe that reality lines up with math here, and that the real people that u r compatible with and that u belong with in life, are all not conveniently right by you, but spread out all over the world. Thank God for the internet to make it easier for these people to finally connect with one another. Sure there were Penpals, but that was like the lottery, picking the right Penpal and being lucky enough to like them enough to share anything with them. Now a question arises unfortunately when it comes to online friends. There is a problem with it, which is maybe the reason I get along so well with many of my online friends is b/c we do not have the face to face physical interaction and day through day activities that friends do together. Even if you call the person (only did that with one person, 2 soon enough (sorry Kate), you are still missing a big part of that person. The closet one can get to RL is a video to video conference call/chat, but still too much is missing from the RL friend experience. Now that said, from everything I know about my friend Kate, while my opinion of her my slightly change in person, and her opinion of me probably a lot more, I believe/know! that in the real world and RL we would still be great friends, and if any problems ever did crop up, people like us could work/talk it out. Something I know I couldn’t do with 98% of my friends I have ever had in RL. I should also mention my friend scott who is more awesome than 94% of all my friends I have ever had in RL, and we only disagree about the small stuff.

Also realize that my close online friends and I talk more in a week then some friend throughout real life will talk in 4 months, this means something, but I am not sure what. The thing is, could u talk to your RL friends that much without being sick of them and wanting to run away? there are about hmm 5 to 8 myspace friends (again from an old blog, u can replace Myspace with facebook if you wish) I have that if I had the fuckin’ time in life, I would not mind chatting with them 24/7, no joke, and 4 of them I could strongly suggest that I would be able to do the same face to face, kind of like my ex best friend Zack, who as long as we were together, we never ran out of shit to talk about.

Asked by Eddie Golden in Love & Relationships at 9:06pm on December 28th, 2008
Avijeet Tomer 1526
Answered at 7:28pm on January 4th, 2009
When you're in love, you don't care about these figures of probability, or the size of human population, or that you could find someone better, or any thing else at all. You just bask in the happiness of that newly started relationship, that love, the feeling your lover gives you, and everything else is then immaterial. It's easy to fall in love with someone you see a lot. That is the reason it's difficult to fall for someone much "better" or whatever you want to call it if they don't live near you.
Zee Zee 2308
Answered at 12:49am on December 30th, 2008
What you described about Kate would be the makings of a relationship not just a real friendship. Of all the people in your life, you still found her without having to leave and travel across the world for?

I am a true believer that when you least expect to find love-once you have that notion out of your mind-it finds you. Be it fate, the gods, serendipity, whateva...It can happen and it has to many of us. It happened to me and I never thought it would. I pictured myself an old spinster with 3 cats driving a convertible. And now, Im happily married and feel that I found the one for me.

So many factors come into play when in the pursuit of a relationship. You discover what you dont want and what you want...once you found someone that fits whatever idiocies you might have and vice versa do you pursue the relationship.

As people age, and if they set standards for themselves like: I want to be married by 33 and have 2 kids by 35...they find themselves 32 and single, they seek those that have similar standards and fastforward their life so that they can fulfill this goal. I knew someone who all she ever wanted was to get married...every guy she met, she was going to marry him...did I laugh, yes! She wasnt realistic! Anyway, she meets another guy rather randomly and within 9 months are engaged and married 3 months later and now are expecting their 2nd child. She believes she meet her true love...I find it hard to believe in this case b/c all she ever wanted was to be married and children. He was older-he felt the need to fastforward to catch up for the lost time and now seem happy. Are they? In their world, I guess.

Sorry I rambled...but I hope you get the idea
Aaron Young 2263
Answered at 12:00am on December 30th, 2008
First of all, there are not 6 billion men in the world and there are not 305 million men in the US, hence, you have less people to sort through.

Second, no woman is going to want a man (despite any compatibility test) if the man has no job and all he does is try to find a 100% compatible women to marry.

Third, I have dated women that have had very little in common with me and we broke up because we were young and foolish... in fact, my mother and father didn't have a whole lot in common but they bridged a ten year age difference and married two socially, politically, and morally different families, then my mom and dad had four kids.


I see it this way. If you and a woman that is 100% like you marry and start a family then both of you will have the same weaknesses. If one of you doesn't have a skill to overcome such a weakness then you both will end up crushed by it. Let's say you have kids then your kids are going to be very much like you and your spouse. Chances are your children will end up with the same weaknesses... uh oh... your kids will suffer and you won't have the ability to help them out because neither you nor your spouse were able to overcome this.

These weaknesses could be anything. Psychological disorders, social disorders, physical handicaps, biological susceptibilities, genetic diseases... etc. Let's say you and your spouse suck at doing math, guess what? Your kid is going to suck at math. Let's say you and your spouse are disorganized, not only will your kid be disorganized, but your entire living situation will be a wreck.

I look at dating as an opportunity to seek your interlocking puzzle piece. The pieces of a complex puzzle are not all the same, especially not when right next to each other. Besides we live in a world of survival of the fittest. Even if you don't have kids, you and your spouse will likely attempt to be successful, hence if your wife has a better ability to be organized, be sociable, be a leader, or instill confidence in others... and if you suck at one of those, then you will benefit from that, and vice versa, if she lacks a skill and you have that skill then she will be more dependent on you. Now of course you both want to have something in common, but there's so much to have in common with anybody that it would be ridiculous to think that your future wife could never live in your neighborhood.
Cheryl Mullally 1502
Answered at 8:06pm on December 29th, 2008
BAH HUMBUG
Melissa Merritt 2399 Brainpower Score Funny Brain Rebel Brain
Answered at 5:39pm on December 29th, 2008
Well on the one hand I see your point...the internet can be awesome for just plain INTERESTING ppl you would not otherwise have run into, romance be damned...tho i ONLY SAY "r.b.d" because I don't believe there is only one person for everyone, because if we go cosmic like that, anyone's soulmate could be either dead (even if only at the moment, they could take awhile getting "reborn")...or just on another planet. I am dead serious. How does anyone know their "one perfect match" isn't clear across the universe? Dead serious. Even working with the "mathematical" reasoning, with the world pushing 7 billion ppl HOW MANY of them are 100% compatible with you, with each other? Quite a bit, I'd say. I highly doubt only ONE person is the full 100%. When you factor in the whole world you end up with a soulmate HAREM of men and women. (Not a bad thing, but blasts a big one in the idea of "THE one.") Despite that I am bi and think communal relationships are at least a cool idea, I would find that to be a pretty overwhelming crowd. Still dead serious here, not making fun.

Oh and also, ppl can be literally exactly alike and still totally hate each other. Sooo might want to think about how you are measuring this compatibility.

But hey at least it's a positive way to look at it, I think! Glass is half full and then some! But nah, I wouldn't include the whole world in looking for the "one," even if you do indeed believe there is only one.

I think my pal (recently became a swami, I am so proud of her!!!!!) put it the best when she called it "similar karmic patternings find their way to each other." All "similar karmic patterning" means are similarities in background, lifestyle, and personality. Meaning ppl who are indeed compatible, will share similarities in those things, and therefore are simply more likely to find their way into the same settings, and therefore it is the compatiblility itself that makes ppl meet in the first place...one way or another. sooo her statement may sound "mystical" but it is really the most practical thing I've heard in a long time :)

Either way, don't sweat it, cause the best way to miss opportunities is when you aren't enjoying life in general. I know this firsthaaaand!!!!

Also consider the possiblility that worrying about "what better thing is on the other side of the world" is a PROTECTIVE DEFENSE MECHANISM that allows you to keep ppl in general at a sufficient distance. Possibility I said, not fact, but if that's indeed what's going on, figuring it out puts you one step closer to the happiness u are looking for!

(plus I used to be a psych major so I pretty much have to cop a Freud on just about everyone. don't be piiiisssssed!)

Kevin Copenhaver 2371
Answered at 2:35pm on December 29th, 2008
I think that if you are narcissistic enough to think that you deserve perfection then you should be content with finding ANYONE who will love you. :)
Blaine Murph 1441
Answered at 1:47pm on December 29th, 2008
I don’t think it is that crazy that the person you are supposed to be with would end up crossing your path regardless of where either of you are from. Since your sayin that everyone has that one person their supposed to be with(which I believe), fate will bring that person along and its up to you to notice when it happens. I am from a tiny town in Illinois and I graduated with 28 people and have hardly been anywhere to speak of for traveling…and I now and dating a beautiful and wonderful lady from Sri Lanka, a country on the exact opposite side of the world….and I didn’t meet her on the internet. Before I met her, I had dated one person seriously in my life for three years. That had to end and I took a 3 year break from dating. I agree with you about dating being mostly bullshit, that is trying to find the right person through dating…I don’t think that is how you find the person your supposed to be with…since most short datin is based off of physical attraction, and most people are attracted to more than one person, so it would make it difficult to date them all to find your true love…I don’t think there would be time. So here is my theory, me and my buddy decided a couple months ago that we were through “trying” to find a compatible person to date…and we were just gonna go with the flow…STOP LOOKING. Three days after this conversation I met the love of my life..who I have only known for a month and a half, but trust me, when you know, its not like any other feeling in the world.
Jim Williams 2367 Buddha Brain Funny Brain Rebel Brain
Answered at 1:37pm on December 29th, 2008
Good day Eddie,

I think I got the gist of the blog. Although I would have to say that I have never heard that your one true friend or one true love would always be near you. As you stated, it's a big world out there.

We go through life dealing with our own little trials and tribulations focusing on what is immediately at hand. Not because we care less about everyone else or every other place in the world, it's just logistics. No single person can be everything and everywhere. ( Not even Superman ;) and look how messed up his love life was?!?!?! )

Our lives are very short and we need to fill it with as much experience, love and friendship as we can. Traveling the planet to find that one perfect match is just too overwhelming. Even if one did attempt this who is to say that the first place you look abroad lands you that special person? Once you found that special person who is to say that you really did? You would always be thinking that there is still a chance there is someone more compatible out there somewhere...

You referred to mathematical reality. That is something expressed by a logical mind. Reading your blog entry leads me to believe that your mind is more of a thinker, free spirited and passionate than logical. Think more along the lines of chance rather than numbers.

Finding the right person doesn't necessarily mean that person will be the one forever. We all change over time as we gain experiences and learn more about who we are. Those we choose to be with will also go through these life changes. There is nothing logical about life and love, it is what we make of it that determines our happiness.

This is true of both lovers and friends.

This leads to the "taking a bullet" It is a grand statement and one that shows others the magnitude of love and respect we have for them. Having said that, no one knows till that situation presents itself what we would do. Whether it is an actual bullet or a metaphoric situation. Having that feeling for family is just human nature. To protect ones family is the most primal desire within all humans. The feeling that others lives are more important than our own, especially younger, is also part of our make up. If not, there would be no soldiers, no religious leaders no one taking up causes for the under privileged etc.

When all is said and done what remains is how we are remembered. Life goes on with or without us. Make the best choices you can in life and be as warm and welcoming to all that cross your path and you will have had a good life. Spinning wheels over the uncontrollable gets you no where but alone and wondering.... why are my wheels spinning?

I hope this is of some use in your search.
Loren Barinsky 1817
Answered at 12:21pm on December 29th, 2008
i always thought about that...it doesnt make sense that your one true love is where you are
Unknown Brain 2141
Answered at 12:18pm on December 29th, 2008
The chances of meeting someone right for you are higher if you live in a common area, I'd imagine. You both are shaped by he same local current events, and especially if you've both lived there a long time, you both picked up that culture and it is now a part of you, making every conversation an inside one, bringing you closer together. This goes for friends and girlfriends, but it is still easy to meet someone from a completely different place and click. People just aren't that hostile towards each other that there is only ONE right girl for you or only A FEW right friends. People make friends and get in relationships all the time, and the thing about relationships especially is that it is the commitment that makes it work, not the actual person. True, you need a right girl for you, but since there are probably about a hundred million right girls for you, it is the shared experience and growing together that eventually makes one stick.
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