For some reason, I've never stayed single for long between boyfriends. It's not that I go man-hopping; these usually end up being relatively long-term, happy, seemingly perfect relationships, until something finally goes wrong and ruins it all. They're all great up until the very end, and usually the relationships end on very good terms.
The first two guys I dated lasted two and a half years and nine months. It might seem significant, but these were high-school relationships and we all know those don't last well. I just didn't know what I wanted. It's not that there was anything especially wrong with these guys, it's just that they weren't right for me. At the time, I was growing up in an environment that was completely different from the one I'd had in childhood and was making do with what I had.
When I got to college, I found the same environment I'd grown up with. There was every race and religion around, and I'd grown up on a college campus. It was great and I thought that maybe my relationships would change, but I still can't seem to find the right guy. Something's always a little "off." I dated a guy for about ten months and then found out he'd been on drugs. He was really good about hiding it, but I've refused to have anything to do with him ever since. I started dating another guy and that also lasted about ten months, until we both agreed that we were destined to fail and it just was not going to work; it didn't help that he stood by and let his (very traditional) Chinese mother tell him he could have me as a college fling / fuck-buddy (excuse the language), but could never hope for anything more because I was white, whereas my family was open to him from the start. Regardless, it's not his fault that his mother was born in Hong Kong, and we ended that relationship on really good terms anyway. We're still friends.
I've been dating another guy whose family really likes me, and I really like them (they're Indian). He gets on well with my family and my family likes him. It's been since some time in late August or early September, we don't really keep track of these things, but I just have this sense of foreboding about the relationship. It doesn't feel right. He's a great guy, but I dread him coming over to my apartment because I can't stand to be around him. He always shows up unannounced and expects me to make food and chai for him; I realize that this is probably because of the way his mother brought him up and I'm not saying it's an altogether bad thing, it just adds to the pile. I hate everything about him. I don't find him attractive, mentally or physically. He's into journalism and politics (and likes to argue them), whereas I'm into medicine and biology, and he tries to argue the subjects (unsuccessfully) that he least understands. He has no idea when I'm angry with him or don't want to be around him, and he's completely socially retarded.
He's a very nice guy, but the more I'm around him the more I find wrong with him. I know this is destined to fail and I can't fathom why in the world I ever started to date him anyway, but I can't figure out how to break it off with him. He's never had a girlfriend before; he was born here and isn't a fob, he's just socially retarded. I know that if I broke up with him it would probably induce a nervous breakdown, but I don't want to have to suffer because I feel like I need to protect his mental status. I don't want to be a complete bitch, either, but I'm not going to suffer just for his happiness. I was contemplating trying to get him to break up with me, but that doesn't seem to be working and it doesn't seem to be wise. What should I do?
I have a really good guy friend who understands my sentiments and thinks I should end this as soon as possible. I agree with him, but I know that this friend also has interest in me. This friend is a great guy and we get along very well, but our universities are well over an hour apart and he's the only one with a car. I know that if I lived closer to him he'd be interested in a relationship, but given that I live so far away, I've got a feeling that he'd be more inclined to be friends with benefits. I don't want to be a fling and I don't believe in friends with benefits; I think it devalues relationships and intimacies. He knows this and he knows I have no interest in ever being just his booty call, but we are still very interested in each other. He respects my wishes and would be content, although disappointed, if we couldn't make long distance work.
We're both great artists, although for different media, and we're both huge nerds at heart, although he's more into fantasy and I'm more of an academic nerd. We're both going into medicine, and although I find him to be a little more of a coconut (brown and hairy on the outside, white on the inside) than I generally like my Indian men, we both have the same level of respect for and interest in his culture; I think he's still getting used to the fact that I speak far more Hindi than he does. He keeps his Indian-ness to himself and I broadcast mine, but when we get to talking about it, it just works. I can't explain why, but it's like two puzzle pieces that just fit together. We're even both equally religious members of sister faiths (he's Hindu, I'm Buddhist), which he finds fascinating. Everything about the way we interact with each other suggests that we'd be perfect for each other, and I can't stress enough how well we get along.
Provided that I figure out how to deal with my hanger-on, what do you think I should do with this friend? He's an excellent guy and the only problem is that we're long distance. I don't want to feel like I'm man-hopping or jumping on someone else too soon, but I've known this friend for a lot longer than I have known the guy I'm with now, and that relationship is so destined to fail it isn't even funny.
For the record, I've never cheated, never will cheat, and have no intentions of cheating. I just need help figuring out what to do with these two guys. Your thoughts?
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